Does anyone else ever feel guilty about not giving into social norms or pressures? Or am I the only one over here going crazy?
I feel like everyone has expectations of me. My friends, my family, my boyfriend, my job, society…. But they all got different expectations. So who do I please? My whole damn life I’ve been a people pleaser and I got pretty good at! But at what cost?
Looking back to my past I see the hefty cost that I paid. It really only costed me in the end. I’d party like a rockstar to please my friends then lie to my parents saying I drank responsibly. I’d stay quiet and let little comments at work slide by then bring that shit home and bitch to my boyfriend about it. So I’d either lie or put my shit on other people. To me my dignity and my self worth paid a price. But I’ve slowly been repaying the debt.
Lately I’ve just become more honest with myself. Who am I really and what do I fucking want? How do I want the world to see me? How do I want to show up? How do I be 100% me and come about it honestly? In the end I’m the one that matters the most to me and not the me that lies, bitches, or complains.
Self talk is a great place to start or even realizing this has become “a thing” I think is a great place to start and also to start building change. I feel like I had to tear down my own ego in order to build it back up.
I’m at a great place now where I recognize my complex. I recognize the whole world doesn’t revolve around me. I recognize that I don’t need to make anyone happy because that’s on them. I need to show up as my best me and represent myself in a way that I can give others permission to do the same.
Now that I’ve found this place I just sooooo badly want others to find it but I got to take a step back and let others find their own light like I found mine. And I’d be pretty fricken naive to think I’ve fully found myself because you never do. But you should learn, grow, and gain every day. Little baby steps day by day. Find the inspirations and look towards the things that make your heart feel full.
Everyone’s got a light to shine. You DO you. No one else can be a better version.