Work has been so mentally challenging for me lately. Being a nurse is really really hard sometimes. I find in my job and especially lately I have had to make so many decisions, and not easy ones. I have always been a bit indecisive which makes it more challenging for me. I am finding every single person or patient and situation that has walked in is so unique and individualized that my decisions always have to be based off of clinical judgement, assessments, and common sense. No two situations are exactly the same for everyone so I am just constantly assessing, constantly learning, and constantly questioning what IS the right thing to do?
It’s been a whole year that I have been on this unit and to say I go into work 100% confident and comfortable would be an absolute lie. I am starting to realize that I will NEVER be comfortable… I also feel like no matter WHERE I go with this career I will not ever feel comfortable. And I will always be TERRIFIED to make a mistake. But is this such a bad thing?
It’s not only through work that I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone. In my hobbies, in my relationships, and in day to day activities. The very photoshoot I did for this website WOAH. I’ve never been so nervously uncomfortable getting my photos done before and especially half naked for some haha.
But being comfortable can make you complacent, make things a little boring, and frankly will probably increase your odds of making mistakes or bad decisions because you may become a little more careless. What I am learning more about myself is that I care a whole lot.
I care so much about everything. I have such a huge drive to do the best that I can do. So when things don’t go the way I had thought I get in that uncomfortable place that sometimes feels like self doubt.
I still feel at times that this is a curse or a bad thing. I often feel these heavy feelings of fear weigh me down. I hate not feeling 100% confident or comfortable and sure of myself, to the point that it can really get me feeling down.
Sometimes when I feel this way I try to talk myself out of it or push the feelings deep down and away because I will develop a poor mindset that these fear feelings are not acceptable. I then sometimes get an urge to find my comfort zone again.
But the truth is you cannot deny yourself of your own feelings and you have to get back to uncomfortable again. Being out of your comfort zone will always bring up feelings and they are there for a reason. Your feelings are what make up your personality and they come from your inner being. They come from past experiences, they come from your upbringing, and they come right from your very DNA. You cannot deny your emotions and feelings. You have to just be with them.
My truth is that sometimes I fricken hate my feelings. Because I so badly want to be tough. I want to be strong. I want to NOT care what people think. I want to make decisions and never question them. But I don’t think I can ever change that about me.
I have been so focused on trying to make positive changes in myself lately so I can grow to be the best me. I have been trying to find a way to not care as much about what others think, or about little mistakes, and little flaws, but I’m starting to realize it’s just not something I can change… It’s just me.
What I CAN do is start to love this part of me. Learn to be more kind to myself. Find a way to get through the uncomfortable times without leaning into or going back to what is comfortable. To EMBRACE being uncomfortable. To forgive myself if I make a mistake and not a week later. I don’t know about you but my brain just LOVES to stew, and turn, and go through all the possibilities etc. It can drive me a little crazy at times. It’s part of being uncomfortable and it’s unavoidable.
Being uncomfortable is how you learn just like making mistakes are how you learn. You just have to do it if you want bigger and better things in life. If you want to grow and do better and BE better you HAVE to get uncomfortable. You have to embrace it.
So what I am trying to decide are things that I can do when I get into that uncomfortable place.
Lately here are some things that have helped me:
- Talking with someone I trust
- Writing in a journal
- Seeking out advice from someone in a similar situation
- Exercising (duh)
- Ask for love (there’s nothing wrong with asking for a hug if needed)
So at the end of the day being uncomfortable is such a good thing even when it brings up unwanted emotions. If you can look at it as an experience to learn and better yourself then you can get through whatever it is you’re going through. You will be better and stronger for it!